Goblins & Kobolds

Life, Afterlife, Life, Afterlife, life; AKA it started and ended with a goblin barbeque

Goblin Barbeque

Short version: Ya fire, Sizzle, Catch (sizzle), thunk (ow), BANG BANG BANG, limp limp (drag drag), welcome (watch you step), Crack thump (oops), creak (hey that my room), grrr (eep), thunk thunk thunk, timber (thud), hey (twang), eep (thunk), zzzzzz (munch munch munch), rumble rumble rumble (bones, room, goblins… GOBLINS!!!), hehehe (twang), tumble tumble jump (eek) tumble splat (ouchie), limp limp limp slam, wack bang BANG, eek (hey shiny, wack, mine), Geronimo… splat, Poof… Cousin?, Line? VOR! Lottery?, WIN… unpoof (wee), wrrr… wrrr… needs plug?, click (zap), Thunk… ZOOM, screech (CHARGE), splat splat splat splat (leap) splat splat (leap) splat…. , screech… fling (yeehaa), swing (wham), With my last breath I spit at thee (Turn), roll roll roll… BOOM, not bad (Vor), Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding (I love mushrooms :), Frrwwhoosh (ya fire), I LLLIIIVVVVEEE

Longer version: (still needs final approval and edit of end)

Stardate 64792 Journal entry: to be born of fire

Part 1 Things are a little hazy but I will try to recount the last few hours, starting with us (a squirrel, 2 goblins, a minotaur, and me) standing around the burning ex-jeeps full of dead goblins. I jump and grab the machine gun still attached to our ex-jeep. I got it but it was so hot it burned, so I threw it to the minotaur. He threw it back, hard, ow. Then the ammo blew up in the fire but I hid behind the minotaur (the others got hurt). We decided to head to my place to rest and heal up. The squirrel and I rode the minotaur (wee) while the goblins dragged the gun behind us. We got to the ruined Hyatt were I have my ketch and went inside. The squirrel apparently had a hideout at the top of the building and went up there and that was the last time I saw him but I heard he lived. The goblins bedded down on the first floor while I took the minotaur through my traps to my place on the second. Well actually only I made it through the traps, he fell through first one (sorry). When we got up the stairs we found kobolds leaving my private room with my stuff (not cool). Then one fell down, I think he found my poison trap the hard way (hehehe), so they turned back angrily (me only laughed) and attacked us. I pulled my disappearing act while they threw javelins at the minotaur. He went down with a thud (not a good day for him), and the kobolds turn back. So I shoot one in back, twang, direct hit. Umm… the last one sees me and hits me. I get sleepy after that for awhile, I think it was the blood loss.

Part 2: I wake up to a loud rumble coming from below me. I find the stripped bones of the minotaur besides me (sorry dude) and all but my crossbow and uniform taken. I look downstairs to find the noise and I find it. Goblins, lots of goblins, hoards of goblins!!! I feel that it is time for me to find a new place to be so I head to the central shaft. There I find a stack of goblins trying to get to the floor above me by standing on each other’s shoulders, this is too good to pass up. I shoot one to watch them fall down and it mostly works, most fall and go splat, but one or two make the jump to my floor and hit me. That hurt, time to go. I limp to my room and slam the door, I plan to hide. I find NOTHING, the kobolds took it ALL, why is the wallpaper gone… WHY IS THE WALLPAPER GONE??? The goblins try to attack the door (its unlocked stupid) but it is too thick. Then more arrive and the others throw one through the door. He’s dead but he had a shiny mace so only some of them came after me while the others fought over it. I see a truck not too far out from my window (the kobolds took the glass too) so I heroically jump into the back, well at least I tried to. I tripped on the edge of the window and fly face first into the back of the truck’s tailgate. The last thing I remember as I fade out is the fact that my teeth are stuck. Part 3: Poof, I am in a big place with a big line of dogbolds (hi cousin) that leads to… VOR! I’m dead and in the afterlife! They say that because the line is so long they are having a lottery to send some back (AKA come back later). I WIN, so with an unpoof, me is back. I jumped into the driver’s seat, after I unstuck my teeth, and try to start the truck but it won’t start. The kobold running in my direction (hi) tells me that he needs to put a spark plug in before his truck will start. I tell him to hurry up and then hit the gas because I’m driving. He slaps the plug in and the truck starts. He jumps in and floors the gas and off we go (ZOOM). I pull a cool drift around the building and we see a hoard of goblins. RAMMING SPEED!!! With a series of splats we crush a whole bunch, I love 4-wheel drive and big engines. Only some jump out of the way and they land on the hood so we hit the brakes and fling, down to like 3 goblins. But, but the last goblins hit me so hard that I die (Again). As I die is say “with my last breath I spit at thee” and I roll the truck (as in tip it over onto it’s side and roll, not roll on it’s wheels) into the remaining hoard of goblin. As I fade out in the rolling truck, a gleam appears in the eye of my new kobold buddy as he reaches into a hole and the whole truck blows up (I think we got the goblins, hehehe). Part 4: Me poof into the afterlife and find Vor in front of me. He seams more imprested then angry at me (barely). I think I am the first dogbold to do this and he is making me his cleric because of this. Anyway Vor give me these tasty mushrooms and I get a lot more power (why did I hear five Dings?) and I get training. It’s now time to go back so with a huge whoosh of fire I raise from the burning ashes of my death. I LLLIIIVVVVEEE.



I'm sorry, but we no longer support this web browser. Please upgrade your browser or install Chrome or Firefox to enjoy the full functionality of this site.